I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD pt 30

[LH19]

But there are many here who want to put their personal convictions upon you. I'm not looking to single anyone out but lets say there is someone who says... never take a cheater back... YET most of us here are experiencing some form of that... then they like to draw lines in the sand... well never take a PA back... yet, then many a point can be made that often times EA's can be more damaging than PA's. So their advice is heavily handed with their own personal convictions which may not be yours.

I believe you are referring to Steve. He views EAs different to PAs. He has a right to do that. It doesn't mean they have to be your beliefs.

IDK what would have made my situation better. Here I am 16months out and he still makes some kind of contact every 9 days. I probably might have been better served a year ago to stop contact but there were still several business items that needed to be addressed. I'm 100% certain had I cut all contact I would be D right now. I'm certain that the way I handled things has bought myself time... 16mo I'm still not D. That's more time for him to figure out that his current lifestyle is the bomb or maybe not so much.

I think if you were D'd it would help you move on. I think you are back in denial again. You had a very toxic relationship that would most likely need many years of intense therapy to fix. NC is for your detachment.

What I can say with 100% certainly is that he doesn't hate me. If I had an emergency and needed to contact him - he would answer ---- now please know I'm not contacting him unless its a business matter so really I'm not contacting him at all.

Most WWs don't hate their exs. They just don't want to be married anymore. I am sure he would help you if you needed it. He's indifferent.

I know the random texts/pics he sent when on vacation with her... were breadcrumbs... so I made sure to send them right back! What I can say with 100% certainty is that both times he was on a wonderful vacation with HER... he was contacting me because he was thinking about me.

What you are are doing is displaying low value. I 'm surprised with your research you don't see it.

I have accepted where he is at right now.

Have you?

I'm also staying busy learning a new instrument... hitting outside music venues... meeting new people... hiking more... getting to the pool as much as I can...

This is good stuff!