I've been thinking a lot about folks going through post-BD limbo and continue to empathize with their plight. I'd love to see activity on the forum pick up. I really enjoy sharing my experience with others, and hopefully helping them in the process. So I miss the forum having more active posters with active sitches to help. Have had a couple of friends go through it in the last couple of years so I've been trying to help them as well. Of all of the "experts" I studied so thoroughly over the years, MWD has the best formula for dealing with and moving forward from BD and the aftermath!
Congrats on the Graduation of your D... huge milestone.
As for the activity on this board... I feel the decline is really due to the amount of negativity in general. I'm not pointing any fingers to anyone... its a very broad generalization.
More than once someone has felt personally attacked and decided to leave.
I think its important to realize that there is more than one way to slice an apple. Negative thoughts beget negative actions... I think that if you feel to focus on more positives... things tend to positively improve. Mindset is soooo important when going through a major trauma.
I think there needs to be more focus on inclusivity... because frankly there are things touted on this board that are not in line with MWD principles. MWD tends to focus on small steps and small goals and positives where sometimes on this board you are being cut down by someone else's personal opinion.
There are other boards out there - some better... some worse... but I think the ones with most success tend to help someone focus on positives... and taking small wins.
Again - this is just my opinion.
KC, thank you! Yes, she's a very intelligent woman, but that doesn't reflect in her being a student. She inherited my procrastination. She had 4.0+ potential, but ended up in the 3.2 range. Just like her old man! But I have hope, that like me, she'll turn it around in college. I graduated with my degree with honors after being an average 3.0 HS student.
KC, hear you. However, if I could give you some advice in my own thread, I'd suggest you always look for the positive even in what originally seems negative. For instance, I left your thread because you took something I meant as a metaphor as a literal. When I compared your enablement of your STBXH through the puppy, to someone that enables another through drug use it wasn't an apple to apples comparison. In fact, the point was that your excuses for enabling him were similar to the excuses you hear from enablers of an addict. Yet you took it as me saying that your willingness to enable him through puppy sitting was the same as giving him heroin. That wasn't what I meant at all.
So while agree that negativity breeds negativity, what I think you should do is step back from something you initially take as negative and see if their are positives. I've used the example of a true friend before. A true friend will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. And there is nothing negative about that! When we are doing something immortal, unethical, or self-destructive, and a friend is brave enough and cares enough to point it out, that's a positive, even if the message sounds negative.
Think about your son. If he were doing something he shouldn't do, wouldn't you tell him that?
Okay, this is getting long-winded, but the point is that the posters here want to help. When they all respond negatively to what you're doing, is it possible that they are all wrong and you are right? Or is it more logical that everyone else is right and you're wrong? Something to think about.
Thanks for posting! I hope you're doing well and continuing to move forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
