I've been thinking about everyone here recently so I've been catching up and decided to post an update. I love it when people come back after I've gotten invested in their stories.
TLDR: I've had 5-6 court dates in the past 8 months and I'm still married.
Here are the details:
Hired my new attorney in June 2020 which is about where I left off. It took her months to fix everything my previous attorney messed up on. I've made a lot of mistakes which have since be fixed so please be kind since I'm in the thick of it right now. She requested discovery and he didn't respond for 2 months so that led to court date #1. He reduced the amount of support he was paying for 2 months and that led to court date #2. I got a temporary support agreement without having to go to court (I agreed to keep the status quo). He sent most of the financials and for added fun sent some screen shots of posts I wrote right after he left (another forum). He didn't send everything so my attorney sent a letter. He ignored that so that led to court date #3 which he continued so I get court date #4. In between 3 and 4 he sends some documents plus a 2 page, single spaced description of how I used to parent (it's bad). I don't go to court date #4 (long story) and at this point everything is kind of running together. I get an order that states he must pay all legal fees for these delays. From court date #1 to court date #4 is 7 months so the income he provided isn't current anymore so my attorney asks for more documents plus a few things he still hasn't answered. He didn't respond so I get court date #5 (June 28, 2021) maybe 6 I don't know I'm starting to lose count tbh. I was upset but S21 reminds me that at least I'm not paying for this anymore. I haven't paid anything since court date #3. He moved out 2 years/2 months ago and I am still married but not for lack of trying. I ran out of money before court date #3 but I got $4k in stimulus money so I told my attorney to push him hence court dates 3, 4 and 5, maybe 6. I haven't had to spend any of it though since I got an order making him pay my attorney.
I've been 100% no contact for 2 years. He's still with the OW, works 3 jobs and is never home (the kids talk). So much to tell since a lot has happened since I last posted here, too much for this post though. D15 still lives with him but she now spends all her free time here with me. S21 is a junior in college and has a steady job now. D18 also got a job, a whole lot of new friends (they all hang out here) and most of these kids say I'm the greatest mom ever because honestly I'm just here for them. D18 still doesn't speak to him so he wasn't invited to her high school graduation. He did however work traffic so I got to drive by him and I was all smiles. Yes he did see me. I was smiling because I had D18, D15 and one of their male gay friends in the back seat. We had the music cranked up and it was fun. The kids don't talk to stbxh about their lives (another long story) so he doesn't know who their friends are. Anyway this kid says "that's your dad? He's so OLD. What is he 75?" He's 56 btw. I did see that he's completely gray headed now and he was wearing these awful oversized ugly glasses like something out of the 70's. He stopped wearing glasses a decade ago (contacts) so this was unexpected.
My moods are up and down, sometimes I'm very negative, sometimes I'm cautiously optimistic. It just depends on the day but I'm still standing, still fighting, still determined to grow from this. I mean what choice do I have really? I can give up and have him be right about me or I can become a better, healthier person. I've chosen the latter option but it's not an easy path nor is it fast. If you've made it this far I'm impressed. lol I'll post more details later if anyone wants them and I promise to keep the next post shorter.
