Today is two years since D-Day. X dropped the bomb that night and moved out three days later and never came back. Talk about a whirlwind! I’m really proud of how I’ve handled everything, for trusting my instincts, and discovering my core of ironclad principles, for demanding respect, and most importantly, demonstrating all of this to my son. In the immediate aftermath, I worked full-time, travelling two hours a day to and from the office, while raising a one year old on my own, negotiating a half million dollar divorce, and dealing with PTSD and ongoing narc abuse in counselling.
I am so thankful every day that he is gone. He doesn’t seem to have gotten the message that two years has passed because he continues to try to triangulate with me. He lives with OW and just informed me gleefully they are going on a two week holiday in July so he can’t look after S3. Cool, have fun, see ya (I said in my head, didn’t respond IRL). I kind of hope they get engaged because I feel so much better about having a third party present when S3 goes there.
He keeps trying all the tricks in the book to get me to engage via the only tool he has in the box - our son. He stopped paying child support, so I arranged for CSA to collect. He refused to hand over S3 unless I came to the front door, even though the court order says kerbside pickup and we’d been doing that successfully for a few weeks, so now I knock and return to the car to wait. He flouts the court order in some way at every changeover and I swear he sits in the car watching for my reaction. I feel like asking “why are you so obsessed with me?” LOL. Finding the humour, and not reacting, really helps handle what is going to be a long, hard slog of sharing a child with an NPD individual.
Today is also the first full weekend that S3 is spending with his dad. He pulled me aside before he left and said with a tremble in his voice “I don’t want to go with my dad”. He hid behind me when his dad came to the door, and refused to go to him for a cuddle. X told me he was going to drop him off at his parents for the night, which seems to defeat the purpose of spending the weekend, but whatever. S3 was brave and off he went calling out “love you, mama”. So now I’m off for brunch and a massage!
I don’t envision there being much more to update in my journey, so thanks to all who have read or commented or ever just held space for me in your thoughts. I will be holding space for you all!
