In my novel there is a character who is an LBS, and she has a long monologue where she says something just like this, that after a while, blooming out of your desperation and despair, you become the very repulsive being he thought you were, you become the hate and the lies.
I think it's not only an understandable outcome -- it might even be developmentally appropriate, like when we had tails in the womb. We are just being born now, or soon, and look how long it took us to agree to that rebirth.
This is beautiful, Gerda. It's more hopeful to think of myself as transforming or going through a kind of metamorphosis. No one stage I feel stuck in or one way I see myself is forever; it's one stop on the way to becoming.
It hurts me to think of your D12 saying being around your H makes her want to hurt herself. (((D12 and Gerda))) I feel some relief myself that she's stepping out of H's orbit. She's recognizing that it is harming her, and she's putting words to the feelings she has. How brave of her to voice these things and take steps to protect herself. She does have a good role model there.
