I don't think there is anything that I could have done differently to produce another result. If I'd done things differently, maybe the timing or the details would have changed a bit, but not the final result.
You are correct she had probably been on the hunt for your replacement for years.
Originally Posted by Spiral
The final moment to turn things around disappeared long before I understood what was happening and, almost certainly, even before my STBXW met OM.
Most LBS are 2-3 years behind.
Originally Posted by Spiral
In fifteen months, my STBXW has never looked back.
Of course not she is still enjoying her new shiny toy.
Originally Posted by Spiral
And while my path to a D has been slow moving, that's more about her desire to maintain control over me than anything else.
Sounds like it. How do you change it?
Originally Posted by Spiral
Her desire to control my life is not a reflection of her desire to reconcile.
Right. You are probably around plan L or M right now.
Originally Posted by Spiral
As far as I know, her new life with OM is going great and she's still dreaming of her happily ever after.
The honeymoon period is about to end.
Originally Posted by Spiral
However, absence has not made her heart grow fonder.
It's only been 15 months. The ride is just beginning. She won't be done with you for a long time, nor will you be done with her. Since you have a daughter together you will be intermeshed for 18+ years.
Originally Posted by Spiral
If anything, she's angrier with me now than she was at the start.
Eventually she will burn through that big pile of resentment. Eventually she will process her anger at you and it will dissipate. When eventually she's had enough time and space that she can SEE YOU again, she'll be surprised by what she sees, and she'll question for the first time the assumptions she has held about you. THAT is the beginning of your opportunity to turn things around, but you CANNOT control how long it will take her to process her anger and resentment, and you CANNOT accelerate it. UNTIL she goes through both of those processes, she will not see you as anything other than she believes you to be based on her prior training.
Originally Posted by Spiral
Detachment has allowed me to understand the destructive patterns that our relationship had fallen into and to understand how I need to do things differently if I ever find myself in another relationship.
This is what DB is truly about. Not saving your marriage. 95% aren't worth saving. Yours probably wasn't either you just haven't realized it.
Originally Posted by Spiral
And everything comes from just taking everyone's advice and having faith in that advice.
That's good most don't implement the advice well and make matters worse.
Originally Posted by Spiral
Her obsession with who I am dating and trying to sabotage that continues unabated. My children constantly pop by unannounced and a day rarely goes by they don't come racing into the house for something they "forgot." I do love the unexpected visits and since I'm not actually dating, I haven't complained about it.
