There is nothing you can do to stop this MLC train. Stop trying. It's on its own track. Just step aside, lest you get hit by that freight train barreling forward.
100% agree.
One must step aside.
I am proud of D12 (and you tell her that if you wish). What she did, standing up for herself. So excellent! Remarkable! Good for her.
Unfortunately it took quite a sum of emotional torment and disrespect from Dad for her to finally have had enough. Her explosion outwards is so much healthier and better than holding it in and burying it.
At the moment she feels this way, and we know feelings are fleeting - unless they are reinforced. As she calms and finds her center, her intellect will take over and her values. She is thirsty to know she has done right - ensure she is well quenched. Now, more than ever, she is looking to you as her positive role model. Dad, having been rejected, is her negative role model.
It is little wonder that D12 has done this. Adolescents, are becoming young adults, are thinking, feeling, and believing for themselves. Part of that is the rebellious stage, which last around 25 years. I’m kidding, it only lasts 24. Lol
Rebellious, growing up, standing up to disrespect - all good normal healthy things. She is just starting her path to adulthood, and has taken quite a good step, IMHO.
It is wonderful to read how D12 seems more normal now. An emotionally unhealthy person can cause one to twist and pretzel into such a tight knot. Nice to see D12’s knot has loosened.
I empathize with your feelings of betray regarding your previous cooks and “brothers”. How could they go over to the dark side? Right?
Remember this is not about you. Set your ego aside. You are causing yourself to feel betrayed. (((Hugs)))
It’s been eight long years since their wives left and your BD. Much has happened in your life and their’s. They might need the work. H is probably spinning quite a different narrative. Eight years is a long time, and these guys haven’t been living it; they had their own paths to find. I would lean towards they do not realize how far gone and how much a train wreck H is. They may soon find out. Or maybe not. Maybe H will make a go of the restaurant.
It is interesting how H has queued up the restaurant again. Using his “true friend” as a financial backer. These MLCers are trapped in time, repeating their loops and recreating their events; all while running from their buried torment and pain. H has his friends, even his Mom, encouraging his narrative and reality. We know there is bucket loads of trauma from H’s mom. And she lashed out towards D12; grandma lashing out at her granddaughter to defend her son; which illustrates just where MIL is actually at and how far gone she is as well. H is getting ample reinforcement of his narrative.
MLCers will, are driven to, find people sympathetic to their cause and view of things. Anyone who stands up, or sees differently, is thrown aside. I suspect if D12 will remain strong, her Dad will sharply cease contact. He is blind to her views and feelings, and at the moment stuck repeating his pain.
My kids all suffered experienced similar rebuke from their Mom. And her family/friends went silent towards them. It’s been three and a half years since any of my kids’ (XW’s side) aunts, uncles, great aunts/uncles, cousins, and so on have reached out or returned any contact. Shrug. Blood vs water.
Notice the strike through in the word suffered. I admit, I added that for illustration. At first, suffered would be apt. However, looking back, experienced is all it really is and was. One only suffers that which they allow. Be the captain of your soul. Steer yourself towards strong moral headings and values in life. (Some other encouragement I’d pass on to D12 directly if I could. It did wonders for my kids.)
It is wonderful to hear from you my dear friend. I am so interested in how the court and business side of things is going, and completely understand how difficult it is to find the time to post. Please get some good sleeps (when you can ).
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.