We passed the two year BD anniversary with no fanfare. His behavior has been a lot of the same. He’s been aloof, then chatty then he remembers he shouldn’t speak with me or D.
It’s kind of comical how they suddenly remember they are mad at us, or some such, and then won’t speak for a while.
Two years. And look at you!! Strong, healthy, stable.
Originally Posted by PLC
My IC mentioned that maybe I should speak to him when I feel he is “chatty and nice” regarding that I still am not planning on divorce, but that is something I do not want to do. With his ups and downs, I feel that would push him even further away. Plus I know that is rule one, no R talk.
I agree with you, that particular chat will most likely push him away.
The “chatty and nice” is still a temporary state, along with his less chatty times. Ups and downs, as you said. Keep giving him time and space.
What you could do is start a conversation (not relationship ones ) during his more chatty times and see how responsive he is. Think of it as a small experiment. Perhaps he will want to talk, if so let him somewhat lead the conversation and see where it goes (since this is still very much all about H and his feelings). If he is less responsive then quickly back off, and don’t attempt again for some time.
It’s not that talks don’t work. It’s that talks won’t work at the start. Later, much later for any new LBS reading along, you can approach the MLCer. If the results are not very positive, they aren’t ready. That not to say it will never work, it just isn’t working right now, or anytime soon. One can attempt again later, like months later. MLCers are on their own timeline.
However PLC, given H’s ups and downs, and the fact that he actually let you know when he was going and even told you the morning he was leaving, I think there is something going on within that man. To me it looks like he wants to tell you more and is working up the courage to face you and more himself. Be patient and stay the course my girl. And of course keep those expectations at zero.
Strong, healthy, stable. And wise.
Doing good my friend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
) during his more chatty times and see how responsive he is. Think of it as a small experiment. Perhaps he will want to talk, if so let him somewhat lead the conversation and see where it goes (since this is still very much all about H and his feelings). If he is less responsive then quickly back off, and don’t attempt again for some time.
