Trying to heal from WW - part 2

[SteveLW]

i think she is still in the fog of the situation and has shown no remorse.

Ace, I would work on the basis that this will never change. Avoid the disappointment of hoping for something that may never well come. I held on to hope of remorse for too long, it was just unhealthy. Like placing a part of your happiness in the control of someone else. If she is remorseful and apologetic later down the line, well that might be a nice bonus, but if you accept that it’s never coming, you won’t care anyway.

I realise it could have been way worse if it happened later in life, i am grateful that it didnt drag another 5 or 10 years before happening.

I understand that and dont want to go down the same paths again, i am working on my mindset and mostly i am getting better but still have days like today where i regress. Affairs were always dealbreakers for me, i dont know why i want to make this work so much. I planned on spending my life with her and i guess it wasn't as much as a deal breaker for me when it happens, but i guess that could also just be fear of the unknown. It definitely wouldnt be that simple, if it ever comes to that there are things that would need to happen from her side. Will think more about that in the future if it happens.

Just about how to move forward in my career and life, this whole thing kind of triggered an early MLC for me but i think it was coming before BD anyway.

Good stuff here. I think her age comes into play here as well. Ace, unfortunately, I think the regret she will probably experience will be more getting married at 21 rather than getting D'd at 24 or 25. I know a gal that married in her early 20s, then a couple years into marriage realized she made a mistake and wasn't ready. She does regret hurting her ex-H, but more regrets agreeing to marry before she was ready. I actually have a couple of examples of that with people in my life. Age gaps lessen, I believe, as people age. 39-31 is less of a gap than 29-21.

Anyway, hoping she will snap out of the fog is always fool's gold. No one should wait forever for another person. Unfortunately, I can relate a lot to that as well as I waited for my ex-GF to come around for way too long. Probably my biggest regret in life, next to not going into the military out of high school.