The train to crazy-town has arrived at the station. All-aboard!!!
We went to lunch yesterday to discuss things and it started out very nice. Both of us were sad and hurting, but we also still felt that closeness that comes with being with someone for so long. As we are discussing some of the details I share how I've looked at different places to rent and where they are at. She is shocked. She was thinking we'd get another place together that is bigger than the studio and keep the nesting arrangement so the kids won't have to go back and forth. She used to go back and forth as a kid and I know she absolutely hated it, but it never occurred to me if we were divorcing that we'd continue that! Obviously things go sour from there. She tells me I'm being selfish, putting myself ahead of the kids, she can't afford the house or handle the upkeep, etc. etc. I basically shrug my shoulders and tell her I can't keep things the way they are and that I need to move on and start fresh. She says "So you want to erase me!" And again I'm left wondering WTF is going on? Of course I don't want to "erase" her, but it isn't like I still want her to be a part of my life beyond kids/parenting. That's what a divorce is. She says "why do we have to do what everyone else does?" I say "because that is what is needed to move forward!"
Anyway, we go back home and sit in the car talking, she calms down, acknowledges she's having a tough time with my new boundaries, and things are good again. She invites me to stay for dinner, end up spending the night, and things end on a nice note. Wake up this morning - and she's already mad at me. LOL! She's resentful of my boundaries, all that good stuff. We end up going to the studio to start breaking things down and figuring out who gets what. End up talking again - angry words, sad words, apologies, crying, etc. We come to an agreement that things don't have to happen NOW, we can take time and work things out without being angry, and come up with the best plan for all parties moving forward.
I get the feeling it's gonna be a bumpy ride. She is NOT liking the boundaries and it is much easier for me to enforce them with my current mindset of "it's over, I'm done" than my previous one that always held onto the lingering hope of things working out. The only thing that worries me is things going from amicable to contentious. We have agreed 100x to keep things amicable and to do what's best for the kids, but seeing her volatility over the past few days has me worried. I'm not going to give in or change my boundaries over fear of pissing her off, it just is giving me some anxiety.
