Sorry Drh. I know she's a lot of trouble for you. It's a very stressful situation and it is exacerbated by not having ground rules in place. If you had a child care plan on place then it would be clear who's night it was and who could take her to dinner after the ceremony.
But Drh I'm going to give you the same advice I give to LBSs in similar situations. The importance should be placed on the reason and event not the day. In other words, taking your daughter to dinner doesn't have to be on the same night as the ceremony. If your STBXW is insisting on that night, and there is no clear cut claim (child care agreement), then just choose another night to do the exact same thing.
People put so much emphasis on the day, whether holiday, birthday, or other special occasion. The importance is on spending time with and celebrating with your D. My W is a child of D'd parents and even to this day her parents "fight" over her time on special occasions like this. It makes her life, and the celebration of those events miserable. She hates Christmas to this day because of it. Don't do that to your kids, even if it means always being the one to give ground. They'll thank you for it later.
Hey Steve, thanks for your reply. It's very difficult decision. If I constantly capitulate to WW where are the consequences for her wayward behavior? She just gets away with everything. On the other hand you have a point. It's a delicate balance to find. I even gave a bit of ground by telling WW by I could cut the dinner short and she could take my daughter out for dessert but she didn't want that.
I forgot to add, the divorce agreement states that the girls are with me Monday after school thru Friday after school and she has them Fri evening and drops them off Monday morning at school though since the girls are full time remote I have allowed my youngest daughter to get an extra morning with her.
