I would suggest to not say anything. If his seemingly good natured manner is because of guilt, or amicable feelings, or the rush of getting closer to his new life - who knows. However, reminding H (if he actually forgot) that you and he will not be friends will be counterproductive to the present goal of a smooth divorce.
Remain kind and cordial. Friendly not friends. And yes, no relationship talks. That path follows your stated desire to proceed with the divorce and still remain in the boys lives. There is no need to state or attempt to enforce a boundary which is to come into effect after the divorce, until after the divorce.
This also allows you to see if H is actually being a friendly amicable guy, who is more patient and less defensive, because he is healing and growing or more just acting. It might turn out you and he could be somewhat friends.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
My feelings are why would I want to be friends with someone who betrayed me, lied to me, took money from me, and treated me with more disrespect than anyone else in my entire life? Just because he’s been nicer to me lately, my feelings haven’t changed.
Feelings. Do not make decisions based upon feelings, they will change. Guaranteed.
Why would you want to be friends with someone who lied, took money, betrayed, and disrespected you? Because all the betrayal, lies, taking of money, disrespect, and so on, matters not. In time, all that stuff diminishes. One quells (or can if one chooses to) their ego and let’s go their need to be right and vindicated. One sees that they cannot control their once loving spouse. And that their spouse’s actions say much more about their spouse than anyone else.
Why would you want to be friends with someone who lied, took money, betrayed, and disrespected you? Because, after all that stuff diminishes, what is left? Your feelings for your once loving spouse return. Seriously. You will feel differently.
Feelings will flit. One’s original feelings of love and family and marriage are more beliefs than feelings, that’s why they return. Compassion, understanding, and empathy leads to forgiveness and acceptance.
Imagine when all that betrayal stuff is let go and you have peace and contentment in your life. The question of being friends looses its meaning. You see your spouse or ex spouse as they are, a hurt person. You treat them with kindness and respectfully, and implement appropriate boundaries as required, because of who you are.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
Even if he said he wanted to reconcile right now, I’d still continue with the D for financial security.
Good. You need financial security.
The business side has no benefit in confronting H and stirring him up. And in truth, until a good while post divorce our emotions are not settled, so there is no current benefit there either. Best to keep as you are in my opinion.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
