Looking for advice and direction here. I had told my H previously that I won’t be his friend after the D. That was a while back now. He’s been living at home and things have been amicable and friendly (I chose to be this way for my own sanity and stress management, as well as hoping to keep the divorce process as stress free as possible). We are moving forward on the D and we are having discussions on the home selling. In fact, conversations have been going better than they have in years. He’s been less defensive and patient with my questions, thoughts and suggestions even when they conflict with his. He claims he’s going to give me a generous equitable split, etc. He’s acting very supportive of me and my future. I’m sure some of it is guilt but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, lately there have been comments made by him that suggest he thinks we will be friendly/friend like in the future. So far I’ve not said again, uh...we won’t be friends because I have wanted to avoid relationship talks. But at this stage should I be reminding him of the boundaries that will be set as soon as the D is done? My goal has been to never be nasty or hateful towards him. I do want to remain as a stepmom to our boys. But beyond discussions about the kids, I’ll want very little to do with him.

My feelings are why would I want to be friends with someone who betrayed me, lied to me, took money from me, and treated me with more disrespect than anyone else in my entire life? Just because he’s been nicer to me lately, my feelings haven’t changed. Even if he said he wanted to reconcile right now, I’d still continue with the D for financial security.

But do I voice it again as I think he’s forgotten? Or do I just DO IT when the time comes?

Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.