I agree that we as humans typically find things to support our truths. My truth may not be the same as your truth though we attended the same event at the same time under the same conditions.
Your W may have just been looking for the validation she was already seeking.
Moving my son home from college we drive a highway that skirts the edge of town my STBXH currently resides in... it takes all of 5 min or less to do this stretch of highway. Now, imagine on a random Friday at noon at the edge of this town for a few short minutes... who of all people in this big bustling town not only is right next to me in traffic at this very moment but takes the time to text me to tell me he just saw me!!!! We have no business items essentially and it had been 9 days since our last contact.
A week or so later I asked about something random to him. I get multiple text messages back. About how he just wants to move on and how he sees all these "bad" signs when he has been in my town many months ago. Now, all but 1 visit he was here on his own personal business or that of OW... I got descriptions of how he was cut off in traffic, how he was rear ended, how he had been run off the road, ((and the one visit regarding me --- he arrived in town for court date and it had been postponed of which I had not been notified either, so a waste of his time.)) THIS ^^^^ This is the reason he will not consider recon, though that is not what I was texting him about... its just what came out of his mouth.
So these were ALL BAD signs of us.... in his mind.
But he was looking to recon... they could have been good signs... when I am not with you I get run off the road... when I am not with you nothing goes my way.
This man was soooo happy to have randomly run into me on the highway that he was texting multiple times --- that he thinks he just saw me on X road 20min ago... was it me??? Wouldn't then that be GOOD sign making all those other signs months ago fade in comparison???
The answer is no.
Truth is your wife was already having those feelings. She just happen to find someone who validated those feelings. You can blame the woman or book and believe they are the reason she is gone... but she probably would have found some other source to validate her and there are definitely plenty out there.
I feel your pain.
My STBXH texted that he is filling his life with healthy relationships with the best of friends and occasionally family so much so that he has finally quit smoking. ((he had quit when we met and got together... but stress of his job, his kids and being tired all the time he fell back into it... I was angry over it and pulled away. I tried to find a neutral place where I did stop nagging for the last 2yr... sigh))
Keep the focus on you. You cannot control her. Support your daughter and try validating her to understand her current thoughts on the old church versus the new church.
