Hey everyone. Sorry for going radio silent, just didn't feel like I had anything new to add for a while. Which changed yesterday when I asked for a divorce.
Short version is we've been going back and forth, up and down, over the past few months. Some good days, some bad days. Both going to marriage counselor sessions. All that good stuff. She even wanted to look at buying a small beach bungalow down on the coast. I said that was not the best idea given our current situation, but she said it would still make good financial sense vs. renting the studio while we work things out. During this same time things started changing between us - still cordial and cooperative - but that extra intimacy feeling that had always been there left. We were just pals who were co-parenting.
She also had a weekend retreat planned in San Diego with the women's group she had joined which I agreed to because it made sense to wrap up all the stuff she had learned/gone through with them. Last week she sends me a message that she booked her trip, and that she was going for 2-weeks instead of the weekend. That was the final straw for me. I had been staying only at home but I went to the studio and have been here since Monday thinking things through. She knew something was up but gave me my space. She still has this idea that we'll be buddies when this is all over because we're such "good friends" and I'm such a "great dad" and she loves watching me with the kids, blah, blah, blah. And I keep telling her that isn't how it is going to be, and she can't seem to understand why not.
During this time I also started talking to an old friend on Facebook - my age and single. It is nothing romantic and I don't expect it ever to be, but the thing that also helped push me over the edge was talking with someone who was nice. Who seems interested in what I have to say. Who was happy and positive. And it was such a breath of fresh air and made me realize how much better things COULD be. Not with this friend, but just in general. The thought of throwing away all the baggage and BS just felt so appealing.
So then on Wednesday I sent her a note saying I'd be coming back on Saturday and I'd like to find some time for us to talk. She said sure and then a bit later responded asking if I wanted to talk because I was going to ask for a divorce and I said Yes. She says OK, and says she's sorry we didn't work out, again still wants to be friends, and all that good stuff. This morning I look on our joint credit card that she booked a place for her trip in wine country down there. So I send her a message saying that we need to also talk about finances moving forward because I am not going to help pay for these trips. And she goes BALLISTIC! How the F could I say that!? That I was being intentionally hurtful. That she was just seeing friends. That she has gone out of her way during all this to make things easy for me. And so on. We go back and forth and she finally starts calming down and says "I'm sorry. I just wasn't ready for the stab. I am still in mourning." And we left it at that.
Now we've got to move forward with separating things and figuring out next moves. I want to keep it as amicable as possible and avoid any kind of big divorce battle because that won't help anyone. But I am also not going to be naïve about it after seeing her blow up this morning.
Anyway, I felt like all of you who helped me along this road should know where things ended up. Thank you all for your help and patience with me along the way.
