By beliefs haven't changed. I still feel that M is a serious commitment and with my principles, I struggle with the D and leaving the MR without doing everything in my power to work through it. But it takes two to work through it. I tried to do what I could from my side, but I alone cannot save our MR. I put out there that I wanted to reconcile, etc. H refused. And I now require financial protection. So, I am getting the D. He may never come out of MLC. He may have always had these character flaws that I have come to recognize. I committed to a marriage, a partnership. He ended that partnership, not me. I am not required to stay even if I took the partnership seriously.
Yes, I married this man and I expected forever. But I can't make that happen, and being alone waiting for it to happen is also not going to help it happen. So I am going to move on, for me. I know that is different than what some people feel. My deep self tells me that I did more in this relationship than I should have. I sacrificed a lot. I put up a lot. I did a lot more of the heavy lifting. I was the partner that really put effort in. I wasn't perfect, but I sure tried to make the marriage a strong one. So for me, I am not sacrificing some side of myself with my decisions. I know how hard I tried. Staying in a relationship where I continue to be less important, respected, cared for, is not what I chose for myself. I feel I am too valuable of a person to do that.
Still have a lot of work to do, but I am feeling contentment with my choices. Even if they are hard and I am sad. I have hope for the future. My future.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
