CW: The actual argument was ridiculous in my opinion. I didn't like her tone, I felt that she wasn't thinking through my perspective - she would say the same about me. She was a bit high maintenance and had some perspectives I disagreed with. She was a bit of a snob as well. I was fine with it ending, its better off this way. I have no regrets.
In the relationship I was seeing some patterns of mine I need to work on. I do have a habit of asking for permission when I don't need to - I do that because I am used to it frankly. I really struggle to communicate my feelings and emotions - I literally get tongue tied when I try to go there. I think it makes me feel vulnerable and afraid I'll get rejected. I tend to care too much about what other people think. And I struggle to be open and direct when I'm not sure about what I want.
R2C: By good, I meant major. It happened on Sunday morning. I didn't call her to discuss it. We then took it to texting through the day Monday - it was heated. I had my kids that day and I was tired that night so I didn't call her. On Tuesday when I got home with my kids from school some things were sitting on her porch that I had left at her house. I then called her and it went straight to VM - I've got a feeling she blocked me. I also sent her a brief text with no reply. Weird to me to close it off when we had been seeing each other since before Easter; and odd to not at least talk without closing it down but whatever.
And on emotional release I tend to either do it by turning the music up in my car all the way and singing along to whatever it might be or to the occasional guttural scream - that seems to help to.
