[SteveLW]

Thank you guys!!!

I really have made a lot of short work in the last month. It was just a general level of acceptance I needed to face. Yes the stbxw still refers to me as “my handsome baby daddy” which grinds my gears but she seems good in her la la land today. I have finished painting the room, I did a great job. I wil assemble my daughters bed (it’s like a little house it’s a pain) put the furniture in and go home.

Keep working on detachment. The fact that her "pet name" grinds your gears shows you still have a ways to go. This is not a 2x4, lots of LBSs struggle with full detachment. But I will say that if recognizing you still have a ways to go means NOT accepting the invite to help paint the room, then you should not. Think of HER living space as HERS and yours ad yours. Would you have asked her to help paint your D's room at your new place? (And I REALLLLLLLLY hope the answer to that is no!)

The new girl in my life mentioned yesterday going up this way for a baptism of her adult friend who is embracing her faith coming up. She wanted to come by and see me, I honestly would like that. It’s not for a couple weeks which will allow the ex to get into the groove of the finality of this. I will take her up hiking and fishing for a day. That’s my plan. And it will be super fun.

Who cares about the EX's groove?!? More attachment. Do not decide to things based on the EX's feelings on it. You go do you. I am not advocating spending time with this new gal because I think you are LONG ways away from being a healthy half of a couple (your continued attachment to STBXW proves that), but it shouldn't be because of your ex. I really wish Steve_ had more male friends. I think male bonding right now would do you a lot of good.

I did pick up and extra work day this week. And I have been talking to therapists as well. One from the VA and 2 more from work. And honestly I feel good about where I am. I know I got a ways to go but I’m a hell of a lot better now. In the 8 months I have

I am a big advocate of staying busy, and one of the best ways to do that is to work, especially if you are paid by the hour! Working and earning money is always good use of time. I remember several years ago I had two jobs. It was amazing how fast my savings grew as one benefit of working a lot is you aren't spending money!

Stood alone for my M
Got into therapy and medication
Kept close with the in laws who adore me
Got my own place last second
Cut off my financial ties
Got my credit score over 50 points up
Lost 65 pounds,
Spend lots of time alone, fishing, etc.
Stayed away from bars and dating apps.
Stayed away from alcohol in any kind of excess
Renewed my faith.
Had enough and pushed the D to conclusion.
Read lots of books.
Spent a lot of time with my kids and RC cars outside and in the mountains
Got my degree and signed up for a new IV /blood transfusion certification class which is coming up soon .

So thus far I feel like I’m doing pretty good considering all that’s happened.

Pretty good list. I don't agree with all of these. (Mainly Stood alone for my M since you did that for far too long, and kept close with the in laws since this seems to keep you attached to STBXW). But yes you have come a long way Steve_. I do worry that you think you have arrived. Like I said in your last thread, when you came here you were 10000x overly attached to exW. Now you are down to 50x, but the needle is moving in the right direction. I would have loved for you to come here and said:

"Ex W just invited me to help paint D's room at her place. I am considering doing it. Thoughts?"

Doing that beforehand would have given you insights into why it was or was not a good idea. As I've told you 100 times, no matter what any of us say here it was still within your power to decide to do it, no matter how many of us hated the idea! These are all issues you need to work on in IC:

- Why Steve_ seems to gravitate to female companionship instead of male companionship
- Why Steve_ avoids getting feedback that may go against what he wants to do
- Why Steve_ continues to be impulsive, doing what feels right or good at a given moment, instead of stepping back and looking at the bitter picture
- Why Steve_ refuses to admit that when he does the last bullet, he then refuses to admit it was mistake and digs in on the decision with rationalizations (It was for my D so I did it!, etc)

So Steve_ continue working. Continue moving forward. Continue looking for areas to improve. I R'd with my W over 3 years ago and I am still constantly looking for ways I can improve and be better as a man, as a husband, and as a father! (Oh, and as a Christian too!)