I am not going to rush into anything. I am smarter than that. I realize I am high value man and this girl is a very good person that deserves not to be toyed with for some kind of me covering up my pain etc etc.. that is why I had to file, had to move on with the D, I knew stbxw would run back to OM it’s impossible for her to stay alone. And I knew that would hurt. But I couldn’t keep on holding myself back from happiness just to sort of keep my stbxw’s bad choices at bay. That’s on her. The convo we had yesterday while I helped moved things from storage was really nice, she was awesome about it, there was a lot of closure and just bonding as co-parents, hugging some crying. She told me that she feels she made the mistake of gambling that I would never quit and when I did a couple weeks ago she knows it was her fault. I did hold-out for so many months because I thought maybe some slight way this could be repaired. But when I filed I had come to terms with the fact it cannot, made peace with the potential for step-dads In my kids like, oms and all that. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I know I deserve to also be happy and I cannot control what choices stbxw makes. It’s gonna be painful for a long time but she wants to be included in my life and be there for me and so on. She told me she will keep her life insurance under my name and medical stuff as well because she knows I will be the rock for the kids. She admired her choices have been bad, I apologized for the things I did wrong as well. And over all it was really good. That was really something I needed for me to have that closure and be okay.
Coming up, I got a counseling session with some friends going through it, they want me to sort of mediate things for their R. I have been sort of supporting them through a lot, (work friends) and they are going to come over and read some books with me. (5 love languages, some highlighted stuff for him from 3% man and some things out of DB and DR.) I know it’s hard to to take your own advice but I learned a lot over this time.
I’m helping 2 of my buddies with nursing school, I’ve made plans to go out with an old friend from work in a few weeks up to the Sierra Nevada’s for fly fishing and so on. It’s been hard for me to accept this outcome in life but each day that passes I feel okay about it more and more.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.