Wolfman moving forward

[Wolfman]

Just journaling. Last few days I have been so depressed. The loss of my daughter is just so hurtful. I have done so much reading and watching videos about people who specialize in this area. Everyone says how difficult it is for the “target” parent to cope with this. Every once and a while it just hits me like a ton of bricks. Wondering what my d is up to, how she is doing. I just feel like I am missing so much. When I listen to some of the top people about alienation, I feel like they have been watching my life for the past year. The 2 who have done extensive work on this are Dr. Jennifer Harman and Linda Gottlieb. I am truly trying to figure out how I can get them to help. I am going to start by writing them emails. I am so worried that my s will be next.
Tuesday was my s birthday. I called him at night like I do every night. Except this time he didn’t pick up or call back. Yes there are times he hasn’t picked up but he usually calls me back. This time nothing!!! Really on his birthday you keep me from speaking with him. To be completely honest I did have him a few hours earlier in the day but I call him every night to say goodnight to him and I especially wanted to say happy birthday to him again. If she takes him away from me I don’t know what I will do. I will be completely devastated. This is a rhetorical question. But how could some you are with for 19 years, treat you like a queen, beg you not to d me be so cold and out to hurt me so bad by turning the kids against me?
Another mom text me 2 days ago. My s got invited to practice with the best instrument players. He is a percussionist, after school is his mom went to pick him up. When she went say hi to Brayden (her son was picked and is good friends with my s but still talks to me too) she grabbed my s quickly, she explains it looked liked she jumped on him so he wouldn’t see her and hurried him into the car and took off. This is what the mom text me. And asked what is her problem? I said because you talk to me. I said I am so sorry for that. I had to laugh. The next day that mom text me that she was so mad at that she wanted to say something to her on Facebook but my ex blocked her. Oh the drama. I think it would have been a little childish for this mom to do that, but the funny part is my ex is just pi$$ing so many people off. The sad part, these parents have children who are friends with my children that she prevents them from seeing. My poor kids.