Still putting one foot in front of the other...

[Elbereth]

Originally Posted by Elbereth
When I look at my marriage and our relationship, I do see whispers that I should have paid more attention too, I see that the whispers happened several times and many times I made other excuses for them.

I'm curious. What did those whispers look like?

It's hard to express this without specific details being up here for all to see...but let's just say that there were times that he definitely showed me little or no respect, forgetting important details or dates he should know, not noticing things that he should, taking more than giving, putting me last, gaslighting, gifts that were way off, etc. Or even behaviors he did to other people around me...that I thought, that isn't so good. Things that hurt my feelings and didn't change even when I brought them to his attention.

Originally Posted by Elbereth
I'm loyal and committed and don't give up easily.

I've realized I'm not as loyal as I once believed. I left my ex-wife, no effort on her part for 1.5yrs. I was close to leaving my ex-GF. I won't stick by someone 'til death do us part, only as long as they make an effort. I think that's a respectable level of loyalty that should make anyone who wants a life partner happy. "I do" to joining our lives thru good and bad, not being a doormat. (:

Originally Posted by Elbereth
I realize that a part of me does deeply love my husband

I did some reflection along this path, too. Which ex's did I know well enough, and which ex's knew me well enough, for the love to be real? My conclusion, with help from a wise forum member, is that while we can never know another human completely, my feelings of love for each one was valid and real. My feelings even for dates I know only for a few hours are valid and real. It's okay to love someone and realize they aren't a good fit for our lives.

I think I have put too much effort into relationships because of the principles I have, but I am beginning to think that I take it too far...and keep doing it when my partners are not making the effort. Something I need to work on... And, when it comes to love, my feelings for him were/are real. I am realizing that I can love him and know that he's either changed, was never the person I thought he was, or just isn't a good fit for me anymore.

I agree with you OnlyBent...our relationships are not all they appear to be if we only focus on the good things. Paying attention to the bad things, the red flags, the whispers are important too...even if we figure it out too late. I say that because the knowledge we've gained will hopefully help us to be better and find better in our futures. And to listen to our gut instincts more!

I'm doing okay... My financial course has ended and this month will be a lot of transition. But I am motivated to see what is next for me and trying to not focus on what I am losing. I'm hoping there is more to be gained in the future and I know I can only control my way of moving towards that.

El