Still putting one foot in front of the other...

[OnlyBent]

As for thinking a lot...well, it's interesting. I know everyone keeps telling me to not rewrite my history with my marriage but when I think about our lives together, I am starting to realize that our relationship was not what it should have been for what I feel marriage and partnership should be. I was listening to a few podcasts lately (one being Oprah's) and the idea of "the universe/God sends you whispers of things to pay attention too. If you ignore the whispers, you get a smack in the face, and if you ignore the smack in the face, you get the brick wall falling on top of you" or something along those lines. When I look at my marriage and our relationship, I do see whispers that I should have paid more attention too, I see that the whispers happened several times and many times I made other excuses for them. The universe even smacked me the face and I still pushed forward and made excuses. I'm loyal and committed and don't give up easily. Now, I see his affair as the brick wall falling on my head. It's as if the universe knew that I loved my H so much, and I would do so much based on my principles and personality, that it would take this 'brick wall falling on my head' to wake me up to the what the universe has been trying to tell me.

Thanks for writing this El, it has made me think a lot too. I can recognise now that since BD I had been guilty of rewriting history with a rose coloured tint, just as STBXW was doing the opposite...the truth is somewhere in the middle. Like you, I am realising that my M wasn't where it should have been and I was sent whispers, which I ignored. I also ignored the smacks in the face until the brick wall fell on top of me.

I guess the positive for all of us (hopefully) is that we learn to never ignore the whispers, because at this stage its not too late to fix things. Thanks for helping me see this. I hope you're still dealing with things ok, you're doing pretty well El.