I don’t want to give up on them. But the more I try the more push back I get.
The more you try to push your girlfriend on them?
Originally Posted by Wolfman
asked him If he was happy coming to my home. He said most of the time. I said ok can you tell my why sometimes you don’t like to come. He said because my gf is mean to him and she yells at him a lot and she thinks she is my mom. I said I understand why that would make you feel that way. Can you give me examples when she yelled at you? He gave me an example where a year ago we were going out and his hair was a mess. I asked him numerous times to do his hair and he kept refusing. I was being so calm and patient, but no joke after 30 minutes of being patient I raised my voice, because now we were going to be late to where we were going. So my gf raised her voice too, (I am telling you all honestly here it really wasn’t a big deal) and said s we are late we have to go. She even offered to help him with his hair multiple times before we both got loud. By the way we winded up being 45 minutes late to where we needed to go because of him taking so loNg to do his hair. I asked him what was the other time. He said there was no other time, that was it. I said you sure? I just want to be able to fix these problems. He said that was it. I also told him, she is not your mom, you only have one mom, gf loves you and she loves to be with you and she was just trying to help you that day with your hair.
Originally Posted by Wolf
They have a “problem” with my gf but not with her bf. Look I can promise you my gf has done so much wonderful things with my kids. So why the problem on my side but not hers?
Consider the dialogue above. Imagine your first and foremost priority was your S. Would you have engaged it the same way? I easily see your point that if your S has only one incident he's exaggerating GF's behavior. I also see your attempt to "fix" things entailed explaining away the incident, trying to persuade him GF loves him, and secretly recording him to try to prove his story is an exaggeration. You seemed more like GF's advocate. If your S is smart, would he open up to you about more incidents, or would he open up to a more receptive audience?
I get you want deeper answers--why do S and D dislike her GF more than BF given her good deeds earlier, given that the above do not seem like the most serious transgressions? So far you have 1) she yelled at him, 2) she doesn't recognize his boundaries and forced a hug and pressed him to say daddy is perfect too, 3) she's up in her room all the time. We don't know BF's story. We don't know how much the pregnancy or your earlier behavior towards the kids plays in. The bottom line is they don't want to be around GF, their CPS complaints are about your GF, and you are the one losing custody. Defend your rights in court, but consider removing GF completely from S visits. GF may be your family, but she is not their family.
