A year on and standing 2

[ToSmile]

Hi Steve,

Actually this is not the first time she join us for family events. Although the dinner this time round was suggested by the son, normally if there are any special occasions, I would just casually ask if she like to join in and it's all up to her. No obligations. Sometimes she join, and is ok. Other times is like above. Most of the time she does not join. But in truth, I would rather that she does not join if she gonna pull that face. It just kinda dampen the mood for others anyway.

Metaphorically speaking, I am turning my back at her and starting walking. I am looking at another direction now and not turning around and see, with the kids by my side. I'll just look to the front and to my left and right to ensure their happiness. It's either she realize that I am walking further and further away and if she would catch up, or she can continue the other direction when eventually we are just out of each other's sight.

Thinking back those times from BD onwards is really a nightmare now. I am also looking for my happiness. I even deleted the photos of the trip we went supposedly to work it out. I had never enjoyed that holiday. Recently, I had been thinking about something that someone wise told me a decade ago which I could not quite accept back then. But with age and life experiences, it kind of make sense to me if I seek for quality of life or to be happy....

That is: "If some people are so toxic to you, you cut them out of your life. Even if they are your parents. Otherwise you will not be able to move on with them dragging you down." It was hard for me to think back then..... giving up on parents? But life had also otherwise taught me many things. And all I hope for is to provide for the next generation a life that is not tainted with the nonsenses I received.

Sometimes I look back and thought, how would it be if my pursues were different and where will I be at now? And if I had not met her, how would I be now? But well I can't change anything. Just look forward.