I told you guys I really felt it. I know I have said it before and before it was a game or some manipulation crap. But when I sat there with my grandmothers grave I knew I needed to move on.
I hope this time you are serious, Steve.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I went to the lawyer and filed the divorce it was all done I just needed to pay the filing fee. I did that this morning. I also blocked WW from my Snapchat, Facebook and Instagram. Mostly because I don’t want to see her wild reaction she will flaunt at me to punish me for doing that. The D is over, it’s all final, the terms and everything solid and good terms. And the judgment will be stamped and sent back to me in a couple months if that. The ww exploded on me of course and said “I will go back to OM!” And “I will go F 10 guys and send you pictures” and “I will take the kids from you and I will hurt you so bad so much you will Jill yourself” just went off and off and off.
Typical WW behavior. When they feel the control over the LBH slipping away they lash out. How did your NGS play out during this? Did you feel bad? Did you question what you were doing? Remember, what neffer said: STRENGTH RESPECT You are teaching your kids what to put up with in their own Rs in the future!
Originally Posted by Steve_
I did ask her one final time if she was sure she didn’t want to fix this. That’s when the threats came, that tells me she wants to be single to sew her oats and so on but didn’t want to be the one who “ended” it. That’s fine.. I did
Why? This scares me. It makes me wonder if it is game or some manipulation crap again. Steve strength is not begging for one last chance. I know you didn't see it this way, but as we've been trying to get you to see, the one more chance was weeks and months ago. Not now. Now is the time for Steve to move forward.....boldly. Strongly. Self-respectfully! This asking her one last time one just another disrespect to yourself. What if she had said yes? Could you have trusted it? Or would have been V-day all over again??
Originally Posted by Steve_
Her sister called me up and told me good job on blocking her.. that it really messed with her head.. I told her that I finished the D and I’m done, I am not going back, I deserve better and I put a lot into my relationship, I have so much to give to the right person but she will never respect or love me like I deserve. I told her sister that maybe years down the road if we are still single and she gets her life right but I cannot deal with this, 7 months of holding on and trying only to get disrespect and lies. Her sister was very sad but understood and her husband also was in the background telling me I did the right thing. They both told me they loved me, apologized for my WW and said they hope I find someone who treats me right.
Not going to lie. These things affect the families too. No doubt about it. But I encourage you to remember that her family is her family. You will miss them. They will miss you. But Steve needs to move forward for himself. And that means leaving behind those that have ties to her. Steve, I am afraid you will try to rationalize relationships with her parents and her sister and husband. You do not have the strength to be in her orbit and at the same time move forward healthy and happy. Some do.....but you have to face your own weaknesses....and when it comes to her and those around her you are weak.
When they reach out to you and want you over for dinner, or to hang out, or to help them move, etc. A simple: "No, I don't think that is a good idea." Go out and develop your own orbit of friends and family and leave hers behind.
Originally Posted by Steve_
It was hard to do to accept my nuclear family is over, but I kept thinking about the damage she did, the lies, the affairs all of it and how that will never change or at least not for years.. so I stayed strong and filed it. WW ended up texting me back and apology and said she agreed it was time for us To move on. And that was that.
The truth is your nuclear family was over a long time ago. Your acceptance of it is what lagged. It was hard for you to accept it, which is why so many of us pushed you to get into IC. Acceptance is a requirement for these things. Ideally no nuclear family would ever 'be over". But the truth is we live in an imperfect world. Death. Disease. Injury. Infidelity. WSs. They all take their toll and impact. We don't always get to choose what happens to us and our family...but we do get to choose how we respond to it. Stay strong and hold fast. This is an extremely damaged WW that would need years of IC herself to become a whole enough person to be your other half. Do not settle for less than you deserve and the truth is she is incapable of doing the work on herself to be what you deserve.
You can walkaway with your head held high. You stood. You tried. But she was incapable and now you need to move forward. Be the best dad you can be. Get yourself right and out of your NGS, lack of self-respect, and deal with any outstanding emotional baggage and move on healthy and happy.
ONWARD AND UPWARD, Steve! You've got this!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
