Kml is absolutely my mentor through BD and post D ... although she's far more daring. I'm gonna weigh in on my pov in the six years since my village was nuked by my exh and his MLC ...
I've had a total of 2 dates --- if you can call them that -- both coffee meet ups. The first guy, yeah, just not into it ... although being cautious I did a very cursory internet search and found out he was on the verge of losing his house to foreclosure. It's amazing in the immediate aftermath of my D how many guys gave me the impression that they thought I had a big payday and would be willing to share. One stated outright, "So, you must have a really healthy bank account!" Um, my bank account and any resources I have are for me and my family, which does not include any new guy. I see no need to combine finances with any future partner.
Guy #2, OLD guy. He was a really nice guy. We talked for a couple hours, had a lot in common, but ... poor dude had a mentally unstable exw complete with restraining orders because she was also violent. He was quite financially sound and responsible, but the exw, coupled with the faint physical resemblance to my exh scared me off.
I've been heavily pursued by a guy 10 years my junior who comes and goes. While I find him very attractive physically, our values are completely different and we would end up in a messy situation. It's one of those things you can see coming a mile away, so again, no. thanks. i dipped a toe into OLD for a brief time. Met the one guy with the crazy violent ex, there was another who was way too needy and playing games within 24 hours of connecting. Imagine what that would be like after two or three dates. Yikes. So many creepy people out there, or desperate people, or needy people, or people who I just don't connect with. Maybe at the time I wasn't ready. For the record, I'm still not ready. There was one nice guy whose daughter set up his profile and insisted he try OLD. Since someone had done the same to me, we had that in common and had a good laugh about it and nice conversation. He asked if he could continue talking to me the next day and was I going to disappear. I said no, was going to be on the site until the end of the month. He was gone the next day. He seemed the most interesting of the options available. There was the guy who just got out of treatment for major depression. The guy who had every label known to man. It's a cesspool, with a few nice people thrown in.
IRL there was the guy who straight up told me he had daddy issues and was into the 50 shades world... TMI in the first few hours of meeting someone. Not a prude, just selective. The guy I've known for years who suddenly started sending me pornographic memes as soon as he found out I was single ... some of these guys were my son's coaches. The ass grab in front of my boy before my husband had even BD'd ... The assumption that 5 minutes after your husband leaves you'll be so desperate for sex and attention that you'll fall for the BS lines.
Yeah. That's the view from my side of the street.
I choose to opt out for now.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver