Don’t worry too much about the police station exchange. Your son will take his cues from you. If you are upbeat and happy to see him, it won’t matter what parking lot he is in. If your son asks you why you are making the exchange at the police station, just shrug your shoulders and say, “I don’t know exactly. This is what your mom wanted and I don’t really care where we meet. I’m just happy to spend time with you so that’s what’s important to me.” You could also ask him, “Why do you think we are making the exchange here?” He may then tell you that his mom is scared or something like that. That’s your opportunity to say, “Yeah...I don’t really understand her fear because I would definitely never hurt her or you but if it makes here feel better, I’m fine with it. I’m just happy to have you with me so we can spend some time together.” Another approach... “Hey S. Does it bother you or seem weird that we are meeting at the police station?” Then you can address any concern he might bring up in the ways I already suggested. The bottom line is not to make it a big deal or seem like you are mad about it. Just present it as something his mom asked for and you have no problem with it because you are only interested in seeing him and spending time together. Sometimes we project a lot of meaning onto things and assume that our kids are feeling the same way we are feeling about it. Usually that’s not the case. We adults tend to attach more meaning to things like this than kids do. The best approach is to be curious about what they are feeling and then decide how to deal with things. If it’s a non issue for him, it should be a non issue with you.
Re: your daughter. I would probably get the custody issue decided regardless so that when/if your daughter decides she wants to give living with dad a try, you have the legal backing. Trust me... as long as you keep the door open for your D, she will eventually want to walk through it. Has to be her choice though. (((HUGS)))
