The man choked you out, verbally abused you, cheated on you and is basically telling you the OW is better than you and you’re inviting him out to lunch. If you can’t see that you’re losing your dignity I’m not sure what to say anymore?
Again this is DB 101 so you tell me where’s the progress.
I’m sorry!
What you wrote is true.
But, I no longer base my self worth on what he thinks of me.
I've approached my Hs abuse much like a drug or alcohol addiction. He had some very unhealthy coping mechanisms. While I feel that his approach for help is not ideal ((I will not call the kettle black!)) He has shown that he is talking to someone and has a support system.
I have not seen his anger in almost a year.
Maybe lunch was a test on my part? How would he handle a wasted day? He drove over 2hr to cancelled meeting he never wanted to be a part of from the beginning.
1yr ago he would have called me spewing anger and making it my fault.
While he said "well that was pointless" there was no anger and I couldn't even detect frustration and he was clearly exhausted when I saw him... and being tired is a huge trigger for explosive behavior from him.
Quite simply there was none.
He made none of the events about me. Wasn't upset or angry. Wanted to be sure that I got the date and time of the next t court date. The only thing he said was my atty was dumb... but it wasn't hateful and shoot if I drove an hr and it was cancelled i would have been a little pissy for sure. I should have been contacted so I agreed she was dumb.
Sooooo here is what I found hilarious... he never talks about her EVER. Wants me to believe he lives alone and went to HI alone. Ok... whatever. But I have found when he does talk about her he says "his buddy" or his "guy friend"
For example... a year ago he stopped by house when he still tech lived here to pick up tools to help his friend move HIS son out of the dorm. Ok, I know 100% it was OW and her daughter.
The following fall... he is helping his buddy move his kid back into the dorms... 100% OW and her daughter.
Many months ago he stated his friend has HIS kid at school and wanted to park closer to the dorms but that park pass was super expensive so the kid decided to leave the car in the cheaper lot and walk as she needed to lose 40lbs. I know with 100% certainty that the only kid at this college my H knows is OW daughter.
So for over a year he uses the Male pronoun when he does talk about her.
Circle back to lunch. I happen to mention that I was helping S19 do his taxes but the ding dong did some online crap that generated $82 in documented income and then I had to do an entire schedule C for a lousy $82 which as a student with less than 5k income was not even taxed... I basically just let him know how obnoxious it was.
H then asked... oh what does he do online... I said streaming. Couldn't remember the company but its online gaming. So H say wasn't Onlyfans? I was like no... he was like you know what that is right? I said no... he then looked right at me and says he has a buddy that sells his dirty underwear and pictures of his butthole and makes a lot of money. Uhmm... ok... I don't think woman buy dirty mens underwear... maybe??? Its more men buying women's underwear... right??
So he just sat at lunch and told me OW makes her money selling her dirty underwear and posting pictures of her butthole on online.... and if he thinks that she is better than me that's clearly a delusion.
I'm WAY better than her even on my worst day.
I'm not losing sleep over having had lunch with him.
