He got frustrated and said he really wanted to be fair and keep things civil. I said I agree, but I can’t trust you anymore so I’m using a lawyer. I told him that I’m not looking to be crazy and dramatic, but I am going to be sure I get what is fair.
Frustration is pretty typical, their quick and easy 123 divorce fantasy hits legal reality.
Consider the strike through above. “I agree” and that’s it. No need to explain yourself or justify your actions to him.
Your reasoning is sound and proper. Yes, you cannot trust him, and you deserve what is fair. You’ve told him you are using a L, you’ve told him why, so going forward no need to explain that again.
I agree with LH, reaching out to STBXH’s childhood friend is not recommended. It places that friend in the middle of a situation they do not need or want to be involved in. If he is a good childhood friend he will be talking to H and already realize the emotional state H is within.
I do empathize with your feelings and concern regarding your wayward spouse. I was concerned about my XW as well, and in truth still am to some degree. There is little to nothing one can do. We cannot change their path. Try as one might, it just pushes them further and faster away. Let him go and focus upon you. Give him to God.
For your peace of mind, if a time comes when the threat of suicide reaches a truly severe level, contact the appropriate professional services.
Compassion has a component of detachment and indifference to it. As counterintuitive as that feels.
I’m glad your financial course was a success. Gaining knowledge and meeting other gals in similar situations; it’s good to see one isn’t alone in all this.
I agree with you about journaling. Do it when you do it. There’s no hard rules requiring daily entries.
A bit more work sounds interesting. Is this side gig a short term thing or more a permanent endeavour?
Take care El.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
