Still putting one foot in front of the other...

[Elbereth]

An update. So H asked me to sign the papers for the divorce petition and I refused, because they contain some details on allocation stuff. I told him I won’t sign anything without my L. He got frustrated and said he really wanted to be fair and keep things civil. I said I agree, but I can’t trust you anymore so I’m using a lawyer. I told him that I’m not looking to be crazy and dramatic, but I am going to be sure I get what is fair. So now he has a lawyer and will be filing next week. Things are still civil and roommate friendly but I’m anxious to move out as I’m sure it’s going to be a wild ride the next few months.

Oddly, he’s been very emotional lately. I’ve seen him cry more than I ever have before. I’m not sure if he’s overwhelmed, feeling guilty or what. But he does seem to still want the D. So nothing has changed there. But with his history of depression I am concerned. He did try to commit suicide in the past. So I’ve reached out to his close friend from childhood to check in with him. I’ll talk to him this weekend. He’s been very caring and supportive towards both of us. I may have lost respect for my H but I don’t want him to fall into a pit of despair and do anything stupid either.

Financial course is coming to an end and I’m sad. It’s been very good for me even if I’m not ready to implement a lot yet until I know what is mine. But the course has been great and wonderful to bond with other ladies going through the same stuff. Started the journal but not good about doing it each day. For now I’m trying not to be hard on myself and just try to do it when I do it. I don’t need any hard and fast expectations right now.

Work is picking up, another side gig is in the works, starting to pack my thing, trying to make sure I do my self care, and D is starting. I’m juggling a lot. But I know this stress will pass. And not all of it is bad so I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for all of you too.

El