I’ve worked as a social worker with CPS (here in Canada). When someone alleges abuse, we HAVE to investigate it...whether we think it is legit or not. Here’s the thing Wolfman...we’re not idiots. We deal with CRAZY all day long every day...we know what it looks like. Your job is to stay calm, cooperate without being defensive and speak your truth. They will sort it out. R2C is right. It’s a good thing.

RE: my bond with my SD. It has definitely happened over time with a lot of work and concerted effort to treat her in the same way I treat my biological children. My test for dealing with my SD21 in any situation was always this... if D13 was asking for or needing this, would it be an issue? If the answer is “no”, then I would act exactly as I would if it was D13 even if I didn’t necessarily want to. For example... my SD21’s request for financial help. Technically not my place as I am divorced from her dad and she has a mom. But...I committed to her when I married her dad and that commitment didn’t end just because my marriage did.

I absolutely do love my SD21 and if I hadn’t had kids of my own, I would tell you I love her exactly as if she were my own. Having had my own, however, I recognize there is a difference and it is difficult to understand the subtleties of that difference if you haven’t been both. That is not a value judgment though. That subtle difference is actually what makes my relationship with SD21 unique and is exactly why our bond is so strong today.

When it is your own kids, and you are not self aware, every move they make has the potential to send you into a stratosphere of panic that far exceeds your ability to maintain the kind of calm that many situations require. This is where SD21’s relationship fell down with her mom. Her mom could not step back enough from her mother panic to be the kind of steady force her daughter needed her to be. I actually found it quite easy because my level of worry and concern is just one level down from the level it is at with my own kids. In this situation, it has been exactly what SD21 needs. She has a mom and I will never replace her nor would I want to. She doesn’t need another mom. She needs a strong and steady stepmom and it has been my honour to be that for her. Anyway...that was a bit of an aside. My point is that if your gf can weather the storms and just be a steady presence, she, too, can enjoy a good relationship with your kids and it will be a unique one that only she can have...if she stays the course. Best of luck!!!