Yes I think you're right. She has never apologized for anything that she put me and the kids through. There has been absolutely no remorse of any kind. No regrets. Nothing. Zilch.
And she probably never will. And even if she did it is just words. Remember: ACTION NOT WORDS. When my W recommitted back to the marriage she never came back with an apology. I saw remorse, and I saw in her actions that she was trying to "make-up" for it. I got a card for her (either V-day, or my birthday, I forget) where she wrote in the card: "Thanks for not giving up on me." That was as close to a verbal apology as I got, but I don't care about verbal. It was her actions that showed she was sorry and that she wanted to recommit back to the marriage.
Originally Posted by Drh2001
I guess the delusional fantasy is better than her old life, but it is still a fantasy.
What you call delusional fantasy is her reality. Remember, perception IS reality. And her perception is that her delusional fantasy is better than her old life. She may have her fantasy bubble burst at some point (usually when the OM is done with her), but for now this statement does nothing for you. We have a saying around her: hope for the best, expect the worst. The first is just hope....the second is what is actionable. Assume she is gone for good and do the work on yourself to prepare for that eventuality.
Originally Posted by Drh2001
OM is divorced with three kids. He knew my WW was still living at home with her husband and kids but dated her anyway.
Doesn't matter. He could still be married. He could be a younger man with no attachments (like my W's EAP was). He could be Mel Gibson. Who he is doesn't matter. LBSs fixate unhealthily on OM. I did the same thing. Ran background checks, got all kinds of dirt on him (he was an ex-con). Guess what, none of that mattered to my W. The only thing that mattered, at the time, and it hurts to hear, was that he wasn't me! Likely your W is the same way. It could be anyone, as long as it isn't you!
Forget OM. Forget who he is. Who he is doesn't change what you need to do.
Originally Posted by Drh2001
I will take your advice and work on myself.
GREAT! What does that look like?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
