New M, new WAW

[SteveLW]

I think the key is in making sure this is a real turnaround. Mako I think you are taking a good approach. Taking it slow right now is the right way to go. As I've said before, reaching out to much, too quickly, and too excitedly can scare her away right now. I get the "I was not affectionate in the past" thing. I really do. But that is why I suggested the talk and touch charges. Subtle and almost undetectable, they can have a big impact over the next few weeks.

Mako, you've got this! Two other suggestions: Come here before you make big decisions. SO many LBS fail to do this and then make huge mistakes they regret later. And second, keep posting. Make a commitment to post at least once a day. Even if it is to say "nothing really new today, just blah blah blah......"

Thanks. I tried to add in some of those touch charges. A hand on the back here, a touch on the arm there…little things that might add up in time. There are no grand gestures that turn these things around, only regular consistent actions.

Last night W actually asked me for help with a work problem and I sat with her for a while and got her through it. This is something I used to do for her once in a while, but she had stopped asking for some time, even prior to BD. After BD I had decided a boundary was that I’d no longer help her with work, but she never asked. Now I am fine doing so again.

I did have a few moments where I really felt an urge to talk and try and figure out where she sees us going right now, but I recognized it and let it pass. Not necessary right now.

Today we went out to lunch, and it was good. It's nice to hang out together without kids, really that hasn't happened enough in the past several years.

I like it! Remember to take it slow. And do not leave out the talk charges! I did both in my sitch as my W started to slowly come around. But I can look back and honestly say that the talk charges were more impactful than the touch charges!

Pre-covid (and work from home) she rarely heard from me from the time I left for work to the time I arrived home from work. And when she did it was always logistical in nature. "Do I need to pick up D from my parents?" "Do you need me to pick up anything for dinner?" "I am stopping at the store, need anything?" Etc.

So when I started calling her and quickly sharing a small story about something at work, or something I had heard, and then ending the call (or VM, this even works over VM), at first she was flabbergasted. Shocked that I was calling about something personal, or funny, and not logistical. Dare I say cold, even? And after a couple of weeks of doing that, something interesting started occurring. She started to reciprocate. She'd call just to tell me something she heard. Or she'd text me a news article, something she hadn't done in months. I do think that you need to be connecting on a deeper level than just through touch.