A year on and standing 2

[ToSmile]

Cwarrior,

The chaps are definitely my priorities. There is a time for everything but I know they are growing up fast and this is when they need the attention from us. So no qualms for me. And I am glad that my friends share their understanding thus we had been bunch of buddies for coming to 30 years.

SteveLW,

Don't get me wrong. I definitely appreciate the comments from you and wayfarer. I think perhaps I might not express it well.

My current IC might have been good for me previously as she was also a lending ear for support. But overtime, I think it just stays at that. True I could have changed an IC but then again, what held me back was the high fees that would be slapped on me. And anyway at this point in time, I think I have "Move out" of that phase which the IC could have helped me. I think I am in a phase which I welcome another kind of support, from GAL, Socializing and maybe Hobby Groups than talking about my marriage problem and see how I can work on it because, I don't want to work on it for now. I just want to work on myself.

Maybe I should get another IC that helps me to move from my current spot? I am not sure. But I feel it's kinda daunting to repeat the history to another person where I came from and how I ended up here. Thus that is something that is holding me back from seeing another IC. I have not cancelled my future sessions with this IC. I am still following up with her with regards to the children. Maybe for the next session, I would tell her how I feel like moving forth from here and also see what she says.

I feel I am re-entering a work in process period of my DB again, after the exchange I had with you and LH last week. I am taking my time to think and consider where I move on from here, at the same time reminding myself that I can only control myself and no one else. But one thing in my mind I know I look forward to do is, increase my social circle and GAL more.

I really appreciate your help. In fact, I see you'll as my "Virtual ICs" rather than strangers The comments and guidance I receive here benefits me much better than what I had received from my IC sessions. So keep them coming.

Yesterday night we went out for dinner together to celebrate one of the boy's birthday. Even though we threw a small birthday party over the weekend, the birthday boy requested for a celebration that involved us only thus the dinner occasion. Though she came along, the whole evening she was pulling a long face but I couldn't care much. I just focus on ensuring the boys having a good time. When I look at the group photo the restaurant took of us as part of their complimentary service, her expression and body language shows that she was so uncomfortable in the photo and was like a total misfit. But anyway, that's just her. But it does feel psychological to me though haha because I don't think I would take a photo with such expression and language beside someone unless they had not shower for a year and stink as hell?

After dinner, she brought the boys to a photo booth to take some candid sticker photos. Well since she never asked me to join in, I just stick around and wait for them to finish taking the photos. While waiting for them, some thoughts came to my mind perhaps it's better and much more relief for me if D is proceeded. Because if it's so horrible for her and it's so tough for me, what's the point to stand further?

Just a feeling seeding in me because from the family photo taken in the restaurant, her expression and body language was totally overkill to me, like she was avoiding some plague subconsciously. I was not even beside her, the kids were and we were sitting in a single file with both of us at one end to another. I can't imagine she was suggesting we remain friends / housemates and co-parent the kids under the same roof after D if she is already behaving like that when we took a photo together haha.