You sound like you are in crisis. You need to find the calm to take enlightened actions instead of emotional ones to work towards your relationship with D and maintain your relationship with your S. If you not already in IC I strongly recommend it. If I were in your shoes I'd need as much emotional support as I could get to stay calm.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Well I just got wind that she filed an order of protection for going to the dance competition and texting my d. I can’t take this anymore.
Wolf, that's a kick to the nether regions. What I would do--what I think most of us would do--is call our attorney and $500 (ugh!) and a few days later it's thrown out as there's no meat behind it. The court is not impressed by false or exaggerated claims. There may be some prejudice added against her. I feel good when I talk to my attorney because they always outline how they'll zap unreasonable terms then proceed to do exactly that. If there's some "context" we don't know that changes the situation for you please speak up so we know what we're dealing with.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
I talk to her that she needs to be as consistent as possible. But she says why should she keep trying when he keeps shooting her down and that upsets her. And she doesn’t want to feel stressed or upset while she is pregnant. I said to my s you know gf loves you and loves being with you? He shook his head no. She grabbed his arms and put them around her.
You told her what she NEEDS to do, huh? Careful, that has a controlling vibe to it.
She doesn't sound like step-parent material. I had two ex-girlfriends who tried to bond with my kids. The first kept going through many micro-rejections and eventually my D wanted to spend 1:1 time with her. The second gave up within months because my D barely responded to her. Your GF sounds to be in the second camp.
I tried to force "Happy Family"--it sounds like you're on that path. Can you accept your GF may not love your S like her flesh and blood and doesn't want to go to the trouble of bonding with him? She's telling you she doesn't. Does that work for you or not? Can you accept your S doesn't love your GF? He's telling you he doesn't. Your expectations may be adding tension to an already tense situation. I know mine did. Been there, done that.
If my son told me an OM had grabbed my son's arms and forced a hug.. I would have a strong protective parental reaction to that. I teach my kids they control who touches them and how. Watch boundaries.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
she is stepping up the hatred and anger towards us. Honestly I am confused on what to do.
Focus on what you control--e.g., calling a lawyer to knock down the protective order pronto (unless there's meat to it, then let us know), defending your son's boundaries, allowing GF and S to be themselves.
