Due to our history I feel like this is something that she is going to want to see what I'm capable of. She was the primary initiator of anything for a long time and got fed up with it being that way, and that mostly continued even after she told me she didn't want it to be that way. So she's not going to want to jump back into the same thing where it's like that again. I think that's fair, to some extent. But I do agree that I will need some evidence of attraction to me as well to see that we are going in the right direction.
I agree that this is a good 180. I think maybe 70/30 in your favor is a good mix.
Originally Posted by mako
It just feels more like it did ~5 years ago when things were better. Could be in my head, I don't know.
No I don't think it's in your head there is typically a honeymoon period here.
Originally Posted by mako
She had been planning to do IC for at least a month now but hasn't yet, if that continues that's a big red flag for sure.
If this and MC are not in the equation you will be most likely wasting your time.
Originally Posted by mako
I am cognizant that I don't want to let her back too easily, we got here for a number of reasons and it wasn't just me. If I work on myself and she doesn't that's not really going to fly, I had kind of been coming to terms with acceptance of my whole sitch and I know that I was unhappy. I do think I would rather get a D than go back to where we were in 2019-20, we're both going to need to put in the effort if we're going to make this better.
Agree 100%
Originally Posted by LH19
That’s why I still have a lot of caution...like you said, I think she thinks she's back now, but I'm not sure if that's real or lasting.
If you don't get to the root cause of why she was so unhappy that she was willing to blow up your family then you will certainly get bombed again. IMO based on experience and research 40 year old women are a bomb waiting to go off.
Originally Posted by LH19
Given the odd timing, I half wonder if having covid made her face her mortality or something and jolt her into revisiting what is important to her...at least twice during that week prior to her talk of R she said this was the worst she ever felt and if it didn’t get better she’d rather just die. If that was part of it, then the question is whether that's enough to substitute for the typically necessary time and space, or if it's a temporary band aid that will fall off. But I don't have a crystal ball so that’s pointless to wonder about I suppose.
Though pointless I think you may be onto something. Have you ever seen someone bargaining with mortality get their wish only to go back to their old selves when the wish is granted.
Originally Posted by LH19
Anyway, I appreciate you asking these difficult questions, it forces me to think. I have a lot to figure out still.
No problem. You are an easy person to give advice to. You can tell this isn't your first rodeo.
