New M, new WAW

[SteveLW]

I agree with you that this seems strange that it has changed overnight. Two months from BD, that isn't really enough time for the process to take its course. It seems like it usually takes a long time to get to the point where they want to walk, and a long time to come back from that. That’s why I still have a lot of caution...like you said, I think she thinks she's back now, but I'm not sure if that's real or lasting. Given the odd timing, I half wonder if having covid made her face her mortality or something and jolt her into revisiting what is important to her...at least twice during that week prior to her talk of R she said this was the worst she ever felt and if it didn’t get better she’d rather just die. If that was part of it, then the question is whether that's enough to substitute for the typically necessary time and space, or if it's a temporary band aid that will fall off. But I don't have a crystal ball so that’s pointless to wonder about I suppose.

Anyway, I appreciate you asking these difficult questions, it forces me to think. I have a lot to figure out still.

While extremely rare, fairly quick turnarounds can and do occur. Mine has fairly quickly, certainly not over night, but in the matter of weeks she went from wanting out and saying she was leaving, to recommitting back to the marriage.

I too had the thought that COVID might have been a bit of a wake up call for your W. Things like that can have a profound effect. Not to mention she was in quarantine for 2 weeks and, I assume, reliant on you to provide food etc. Sometimes something like that can make them realize that they cannot rely on anyone else the way they can their current spouse. And finally do not discount the power of backing off, giving space, working on yourself, showing those positive changes, and being properly and lovingly detached. There are a percentage, however small, of WAS that that last part does have an impact on. Especially in the sitches where the LBSs bad or poor behavior was a major cause of the WAS becoming walkaway. Lots of times by time BD happens the WAS is too far gone by that point, but in a few rare cases a shorter turnaround time is possible.

I think the key is in making sure this is a real turnaround. Mako I think you are taking a good approach. Taking it slow right now is the right way to go. As I've said before, reaching out to much, too quickly, and too excitedly can scare her away right now. I get the "I was not affectionate in the past" thing. I really do. But that is why I suggested the talk and touch charges. Subtle and almost undetectable, they can have a big impact over the next few weeks.

Mako, you've got this! Two other suggestions: Come here before you make big decisions. SO many LBS fail to do this and then make huge mistakes they regret later. And second, keep posting. Make a commitment to post at least once a day. Even if it is to say "nothing really new today, just blah blah blah......"