Another issue plaguing me is my family guilting me as to why I am not talking to them about my situation or making time for them even if I am not wanting to do that in the moment. I know they love me and want to help, but he truth is they don't help (at least in their advice). They don't know or understand what I am going through. I don't want to talk to them about it. I want them to understand the boundaries I am setting as I'm trying to do what is best for me and my mental health right now. Making them feel better and them getting what they want from me isn't helping me. It helps them fill a need THEY have that isn't my responsibility. But I can't get them to understand my feelings or accept the boundaries I am trying to set. So then things escalate as they pile on more guilt, and I end up feeling more stressed out than I did before I spoke to them. If I avoid them, I feel even worse. If I give in I feel worse. I can't win.
I've put everyone else first in my life, and now that I am trying to put myself first, they struggle with my choices and make stronger demands. It's exhausting, and I really don't want to feel the burden of their feelings on top of my own right now. Has anyone else had this happen to them? How did you handle it?
Yea, I need IC again...I'd hope to find someone specific I could feel is what I am looking for, but I just might have to do a few more BetterHelp sessions as a holdover of finding the right one.
On another note, I mentioned to my H what happened and how frustrated I was yesterday, and he got all emotional about how he does't want to hurt me and such...it was really odd. He even started to cry. He brought up the agreement and how it uses words that describe using funds outside of our marriage and I reminded him that this is what has happened. It's like he's in denial about it but also feels bad about it. But I'm not believing what I see. He's been lying to me and hiding funds and other things, and I don't want his emotions to alter the fact that I am trying to protect myself from him as well by moving forward on the D.
I just have such a jumble of emotions right now....
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
