Hi All, and OB i hade seen your post. I have been trying to stay away from here and I am contemplating a ban for myself for a while. To grow and to let go. I still have anger. I will get more into it and update more. General status is same except apparently OM is sleeping over while kids are at XWs place. Me - So at moms you get to eat breakfast in front of the TV every day? D6 - Almost, except for when OM is there.
Anyway, I wanted to get some input from the wisdom of the board. D3 is turning four in a bit over a week and I asked XW about hosting a small party for D3s closest friends. (Last year I did everything and XW didn’t have the guts to show up.) She suggested having the party at the house (my house) and being outside if the weather permits it. She also said D3 wants us both to be there. I basically said I will think about what’s best and that I will ask D3 who she wants to be there. How have you great ppl handled similar situations? I’d prefer not being with XW, though will definitely listen mostly to D3s wishes. Simultaneously I am almost certain XW won’t want specific ppl to come. My parents for instance. Certain friends will also make her very uncomfortable. My house my rules I guess. I won’t ask her what she thinks and I sure as hell won’t allow OM here.
Also a tip. Meditation app, “waking up”. I finally understand meditation!
In my experience, being able to attend joint events for children is an important part of co-parenting. Obviously this can be difficult early on in a split when emotions and feelings are still raw. So I understand your concern related to not wanting to be with XW. But your comment about:
"Simultaneously I am almost certain XW won’t want specific ppl to come. My parents for instance. Certain friends will also make her very uncomfortable. My house my rules I guess. I won’t ask her what she thinks and I sure as hell won’t allow OM here."
So when does this start being about D3 and stop being about what XW is comfortable with or what you are comfortable with? This is a 4 year-old birthday party so it isn't as important of an event, but there will be many future events where you and your XW have to be able to attend, with your respective significant others, that will require you both to be grownups about supporting your daughter, not ruining the event for her, and understanding that her interests and well-being is more important than either of yours. Things like Sweet 16 birthday party, graduation from high school and college, her wedding, etc. It is unrealistic that in the future, if your XW ends up marrying OM, that you will never be at an event for your kids that XW and OM won't be also present at.
My W has had a life-long issue with trying to juggle events like this between her mom and her dad who divorced when she was 8 years old. The first 15-20 years of her life were ruined by her parents not being able to coexist and get along at various events of hers. Our wedding was the first time they both attended an event and didn't have a incident, and even then it was a very tense, uncomfortable situation having them both there.
Don't do that to your kids. Be the bigger person. Don't forget that this is her birthday, or it is her graduation, or that it is her wedding, and make it the most joyous occasion that you possibly can......FOR HER.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
