I had to switch IC after about 8 every other week sessions. I had started seeing her before I came here. At first when I was a puddle of emotions she was fantastic, but week after week as I learned to cope and started making decisions about how I wanted to handle things, my kids, my self, the house hold etc, she got increasingly worse. Week after week she asked when I was going to kick him out. She kept pushing me on how long was I willing to live like this, it had literally only been several weeks since the EA had started H was just diving headlong into the affair quickly. No matter how much I explained to her I can't legally kick him out. No matter how I asked her how that would work with a non-bio kid in my house legally (just as an aside I knew because I worked in juvenile and family law for years & half way through this I retained an attorney) she never had an answer. It wasn't even a matter of me wanting to stand, it was a matter of her treating my marriage falling apart at the seams like a 20 something break up. Much like H was. It wasn't logical, legal or helpful what she was offering. I didn't want to leave her and find someone new as, we had taken the time to build a rapport, she was fully covered under my EAP program at work, and was incredibly cheap once I ran out of free sessions, but the fact is it wasn't working.
I don't have a ton of expendable income, but I have an FSA that had money on it, and I knew this was something I needed. And for reference I'm paying out of pocket this year to still see the therapist I found after the disastrous one. No it isn't cheap. And yes it's pretty daunting with a D impeding and all the money that will cost, but the way I started to sleep at night was worth every penny. How she metaphorically held my hand through my husband mourning the A and the OW, and eventually turning back toward me and our MR when all of it made my anxiety and therefore my control issues skyrocket was worth every penny. The fact is it isn't cheap, you're right. But you need to decided if you're worth that. I decided I was. And my girls deserved the most level headed, healthy parent I could and can give them. Ask yourself if you'd be paying for MC if WW was willing to reconcile. If the answer is yes then you know what you really should be doing here.
Also as I've suggested to other people on this board there are a lot of online counseling options, apps even, including sliding scale in all kinds of modalities and specialties. If this is something you want it's out there for you, it just make take a little more work to get there.
