One conscious choice that I made - and it took me a while to get there - is to accept my own memories of the past as my own reality. In that reality I had a loving wife who was not perfect but was a good partner. She did a great job supporting me and did the bulk of raising our children of whom I am very proud. If I try to stir up the past then yes, things may float to the surface like a turd in the punchbowl, but I just leave it alone.
I think that has helped me a lot. Yes, learning from the past is very important but there comes a point where you need to just let it be and move forward. It does take time and patience and there will always be WTF or other moments when the punchbowl seems disturbed.
This is a good way of seeing things. I'm trying to accept my own memories as true ones...but I guess I'm still so blown away by what has happened, that I am not trusting my memories. I keep seeing all these whispers of signs that in hindsight I see, but wonder if that is only because I want to connect the dots in some ways. I'm still also trying to look back at my role in it all. It's all very hard and confusing but necessary, I think, for my own growth and also to move forward. I want to find a new counselor to explore these thoughts with. And I think journalling will help as well.
Also, all of the perspectives I get from all of you help as well!
