Summary so far: H asked for a D and after I kicked him out I discovered he was having an affair with an ex-GF. From my previous summary, not much has really changed in my situation other than I am moving forward towards the big D. H has been living at home in the basement but also away at times, of which I suspect with the AP/OW. He seems to be sure that he wants to move on and hasn't shown any change. I have accepted that I do not like or trust the person he is right now. In fact, I wonder if he was ever the person I thought he was. It appears he is weak and lacks true character. But after reading about emotionally unavailable people, I wonder if these behaviors are his walls he puts up. I am not really sure what to think about him. But he isn't a good person right now, and that is what matters as he may never be the person I cared about again. I had tried to stand for him, but I don't feel I can anymore. And, financially I need to protect myself as he continues to spend money and he is hiding things from me that affect me financially. He has agreed to sign an agreement for some funds he has spent, but I've not received that yet. Either way, I've been making preparations towards the D process and am in discussion with a lawyer.
Friend and Family: Everyone is still in shock and it doesn't sound like he's been communicating with many of our friends and family at all. He's sort of off in his own la la land and is avoiding anyone who questions what he is doing. Step-son is still coming over, and I've made accommodations to have him in my temporary place, meanwhile his D (my H) is looking at jobs in other places and not even considering how this impacts his son. At least until he goes off to college.
My emotional state: I'm all over the place. Some days I feel very empowered and other days down in the dumps. I think the limbo of the situation has affected me, but also, I'm ready to get it over with (rip the bandaid off the wound); I feel it will allow me to put the full focus on myself, heal and move forward. I am doing a lot of GAL things, taking a financial course, getting my life organized, relaxing and spending time with friends, and doing self care. I do get numb on occasion and sometimes still depressed, but generally I feel empowered and people tell me I am doing pretty well. I try to embrace all the feelings as I don't want to ignore them. I'm also starting to journal and hoping that will help me. I'm still looking into a new person to see for counseling too, as I feel that will be important. I actually have a lot going on and trying to juggle it all.
I guess that is all I can think of to put on here today to start this new thread.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
