What R2C said. She is not a four year-old just refusing out of four year-old obstinance. At 13 years-old, she gets a say - whether you agree with it or not. If she says she doesn’t want to go, tell her you are really disappointed, that you would have loved to have been able to spend time with her because you miss her but that your respect her wishes. And...if she changes her mind about the weekend, she just has to call. And then, yes, go have fun with your son.
I know this sux Wolfman but you can’t force her. That would just add fuel to the fire and reinforce her view that you are someone to be avoided (I’m assuming that is her view currently). If her mom is telling her you are a controlling, abusive jerk, you can’t behave in a way that reinforces that. If you maintain a stable, understanding, empathetic and unconditional stance toward her, she will remember that - regardless of what her mom says. Just like in DB... whenever you get the opportunity, show her that you are not that person. I fully believe she will eventually come around - especially as extended time with her mom will not always be pleasant. And whatever you do, when she finally does come around, do NOT spend the time with her talking about the times she didn’t come and the reasons or putting down her mom as those two things would definitely backfire and not paint you in a good light. Just be in the moment and focus on enjoying your time with her.
Bottom line is that the only person you can control in this scenario is YOU. No one else. Be the kind of dad you would want to have if you were in her place. I know this is hard. It is awful that any kid be put in the middle of her parents like this. But, that’s the situation, even if you didn’t necessarily put her there. Take the pressure off of her. Continue to communicate your love and acceptance of her...even if she isn’t doing what you want her to be doing. It’s what is best for her and if it is best for her, it is ultimately best for you. (((HUGS)))
