I feel so much for you Michka. You must be struggling to cope!
You don’t need to make a point to your children that this was his decision. I too felt that incredible pressure that my children knew my wife was blowing up our family and that I was the one honouring my vows.
But it does more harm than good. Your children will work it out themselves eventually, and normally this naturally occurs at an age where they are more equiped to deal with it. Secondly, I assume you still want them to have a good relationship with their father - these sorts of discussions can undermine this. Kids will always love both their parents no matter what - you’ll strengthen your relationship with your kids more by upholding your H than demeaning him.
It will get worse before it gets better, and it’s going to be a tough year or two for you. But based on him verbally threatening your life, you need to get out of this relationship now.
