We seemed to have a false positive. I was trying my hardest to GAL/180. Seemed to be responding to my sudden charge in attitude. Perhaps lasted two weeks before he told he wanted to try but was unsure. This concerned me as everyone on here has warned about this. So I asked him to lets try and be nice to each other for a week and chat at the end of the week.
Well S$%& hit the fan that week. We were fine (so it seemed) mon to thurs. All i asked him was to be civil to me and vice versa. Friday morning he woke up in a foul mood and the day just descended into chaos. By the end of the day he was adament he was moving out in two weeks.
I asked that he do the following before moving out
1. Create a budget dividing financial responsbility 2. Create a parenting schedule 3. Tell the kids
The budget was his biggest concern as he kept mentioning he would need cash in order to purchase furniture etc for the apartment (he was moving into our investment property one suburb away) I was trying to be as civil and polite as I could but I did tell him I would only discuss it once we established each others financial responsbilities. This was really important to me because of his gambling.
We also split some investment money we had (by agreement).
Well he wasnt happy it seemed that I expected him to do any work for his move.... by friday the following week his contempt for me was simmering under the surface. Friday (this seems to be a bad day for us) morning comes around and again he asks about buying furniture. I again reminded him of our agreement and the fact he had not done the budget.
He exploded, threatened me with my life, (this was all verbal at no point did he touch me) and took my share of the investment money (its all on apps on his phone so it took him literally a few minutes while he was in the bathroom - it was about 20k) and left.
I was shaking. I had been trying so hard to act "as if" stay positive etc, but he just lost it that morning and so did i.
I decided to file a statement with the police. They decided to take it further than I intended and had him arrested at his office in front of his clients. A very sobering experience for him by all accounts.
I had the locks changed and asked some family to stay the night.
He has now moved out officially. He has set up the apartment for himself and future visits from the children. We speak and see each other when he visits the kids and our exchanges are either very tense or indifferent until today. He kept telling me how much he wants to "help" me with the kids and the house. I detest that word "help". I suggested that we would benefit from family counselling as well as counselling for us.
This literally has happened over a span of two weeks.
I have been speaking to a DB coach over the phone and just trying to get through it all. I have again met with a lawyer and am ready to file if I need to. However, his advice was surprisingly similiar to what you have all been telling me and things I have read. He asked me to wait, consider my position and only file when there is no other options. He asked that I go through this on my own two feet with professional help as family can often make things worse. Financially he has reassured me that I will be fine based on the numbers we went through. He also said to simply detach (i nearly asked if he had been reading these forums/MWD books) and focus on myself and the children.
I feel at the moment surprisingly calm (mostly). Not sure what that means but between praying and reading all your advice I feel like I will be ok no matter. Just like the WAS has to hit a rock bottom of sorts its almost like I did too. I mean what else can he do?
The children have been really struggling, I made it clear to them that this was their fathers decision as he "had a change of heart as to how he feels about me" but tried to be as positive as possible. Just trying to reinforce that they are still loved and we are still their family.
My question now is how do I stay on track? How do I best support my children? How I stop myself from saying/doing something I will regret? He has a a tendency of rewriting history to his benefit - I have a tendency of quickly correcting him and pointing out he is wrong. What do I do?
