A year on and standing 2

[ToSmile]

Hi all,

Hope everyone had good weekend. Normally I do not bring my workstation home over the weekend but I do look through the postings via my phone.

LH, Cwarrior, I reflected on it. I do think I have been too much of a smart ass with the "I know it / that's gonna happen" that kill off all the fun for others to try and figure it out themselves, especially for her. She used to claimed that a reason she was attracted me back then was that I am a very good planner and I am able to take care of everything with my planning, always back up with contingencies A, B, C in line making everything going so smoothly. But this is a double edge sword I guess. Overtime it is controlling, kills the novelty and irritates one. I became like a parenting figure that is "overly protective" unknowingly just to spare myself of the inconvenience in salvaging aftermaths.

Perhaps now, I understand why she mentioned I am like her mother controlling her. Actually the controlling is not me restricting her freedom of movement but freedom to explore, the freedom to express her decisions with these unsolicited advices. Especially if it comes true as what I had said, it would irk her even more. I am in the wrong frequency with her as I always thought I never restrict her movement like her mother did. But likely she got the same feeling whenever I dishes out these advices, which may seems novel at the beginning to nagging over the course of time.

BL42, I managed to have some downtime over the weekend in thinking things over as she brought the kids out with her friends and family for a staycation. Although I would say that I am not yet ready to initiate the divorce, I do not think I will challenge her again with regards to the overnight access shall she bring up the divorce again as that seems to be her claim of what's holding her back. I'll just remove the "obstacle" that she feels stopping her to take action and stick to managing those that I can control within my invisible sphere.

Just like over the weekend, she brought the kids for staycation with her family. So I managed to go out to meet up with my friends. On the second night, she called and told me that the younger one was not feeling well and like to return home. She asked if I could pick him up. I just had my first drink with my friends but I chose to excuse myself and pick the younger boy up. My friends followed me as they decided to come over and carry on with the catch up. On the way back, the boy vomited on me twice and after we got home, I clean him up, made him comfortable and tuck him in before joining my friends at the living area.

They passed me the question as to the younger boy is sick, why can't she handle him? And why can't she end the staycation and bring both the kids home? I shared with them that well, she did offer to continue taking care of the younger boy at the hotel. But the boy asked to come home and knowing that, I made the choice to fetch him. This is how I prioritize things, which I think is different with her decision making process. ie: I can't have the peace of mind to enjoy myself knowing my kid is sick but from past occasions, she is able to let go.

However, this is not something I can control. What I can do is to be there for my kids when they need me and feel happy spending time with them. I was not angry about the episode as well but in fact happy that I am able to see my younger one earlier. To be fair, she did message me later asking me how the younger boy is fairing. Well that evening her tone to me was pleasant likely because I was of help "lol" and thereafter back to the cold stonewalling style again.

Anyway it doesn't matter. I just take care of myself and hope I am improving on my DB and boundaries.