I remember reading your sitch on here during during the worst of mine (before I even started posting myself) and remember thinking it so odd your W is dating someone 20 years her elder. Can't imagine it's going to work out between the two of them in the long run. Sorry she turned your life upside down in the process, but glad to hear you're doing better than 6 months ago, and I hope things will continue to improve in your life.
Thanks BL42, yes actually he's 17 years her senior. I think this is why when my gut was trying to tell me things during the preceding months leading to BD my brain would shut it down and rationalize things. We both had felt bad for him because of the recent loss of his wife to cancer just two weeks shy of what would have been their 50th wedding anniversary. So we had spent a lot of time with him. But there was always this inordinate glimmer she seemed to experience when we were with him and I should have been more alarmed than I was. The age difference definitely threw me off. I knew she admired him and also liked the way he played a wicked guitar, but it was hard for me to believe the "admiration" would have led to an affair. Female friends and relatives assured told me they could see themselves connecting with someone who represented a wide age gap, especially if there were common interests and temperaments. They also worked together as members of a three person band that's out in many area restaurants and clubs. Given the additional fact we were going through a negative cycle in our own relationship, I definitely should have been more vigilant.
