I can totally relate to what you are saying Bob. My XH was engaged and a new home owner within seven months of BD...and we do have kids... kids that he introduced OW to three months before BD. So to answer your question... no, I don’t think we ever really truly know someone. Like your XW, the person my XH was when I married him, no longer exists. You are lucky, in some ways, that you didn’t have kids as you are able to move forward and have very little, if any contact with your X. I think that helps with the healing process. Having said that, time is a great healer regardless. In my sitch, XH has been super reasonable with the business end of our split so we have been able to establish a pretty positive co-parenting situation. And OW is very good to my kids so I think we are doing as well as we possibly can given the circumstances. XH was over at my house yesterday dropping some planters off (he and OW have bought me out of my share of the home I co-own with his mom so are moving in once they sell their home and pay me) and we had a funny, lighthearted conversation about our kids and the logistics of the move(s). It was nice and bodes well for our kids that we are in that place. Three years ago, I would have never predicted that and yet here we are. Life is good. And in a weird way, I AM glad that it happened because the life I lead now would have never happened if it hadn’t. It’s not the life I planned but it may turn out to be an even better one. I hope yours does too. (((HUGS)))
Thank you DejaVu6,
You're right, my path forward is an easier one than the one others must contend with because we didn't have children together. In fact I remember thinking last year how easy I had it compared to others here because of this, I was like "what are you complaining about, Bob? You have it easy compared to others, there are no kids, just move on and get her out of your life completely." I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is feeling powerless to keep the family together when the other spouse wants out, while seeing the kids denied the same family structure I feel I benefited from while growing up. But I know of situations where things are so toxic between the parents it's undoubtedly for the better and the kids seem to be doing excellent. And like you said, other than the sharing of our dog over the next several years there really isn't any other reason for us to remain in touch which can help with the healing process.
I'm happy things are amicable between you and your XH in regard to the co-parenting situation. In several years I hope I can be in the same place you are, almost glad things happened the way they did because you're so content with your life as it is now. That's the place I'm trying to get to and I just need to keep putting in the work. At least now I can begin to see a path to it. Thanks again and take care.
