So...life is strange... I’m a little bit hesitant to post this latest update because I suspect there might be some strong opinions coming my way but here goes...
Went for a short trip to Costco on Tuesday. Usually I go with my sister after work but I just had a couple things on my list so I thought I’d pop in on my lunch hour. Also in need of some new tires although I ended up forgetting about that...lol. Long story short, I ran smack dab into Brook. Yep...haven’t talked to him since last June or laid eyes on him since January 2020. But there he was. Hard to miss even with a mask. Anyway...could not avoid him and, to be honest, I still had some regrets over my reactivity back when we were regularly talking and still think he is probably a good guy who was just going through something so it felt like an opportunity for a corrective experience - for both of us. I wasn’t proud of my behaviour back then so it was nice to be able to have the opportunity to get rid of that negative regretful feeling I would get when something reminded me of him. So I took a deep breath and said “hi” and we both stopped and caught up a bit on each other’s lives.
Turns out, his suspicion that his ex had been cheating on him with his friend was confirmed the week we were supposed to have our first date. His “friend” has since sold his house and has moved in with his ex in their family home with Brook’s girls and they are doing the renovations that Brook always wanted to do but his ex didn’t. [I also realized in our conversation that he had only moved out of the family home two months before we started talking which kind of explains why his feelings were all over the map.] So...that was a tough pill to swallow but just when he got to the point where he felt he was over it, his older brother committed suicide (this past November - wasn’t on FB so I had no idea). His brother had been suffering with chronic migraines and felt like he was a burden to his wife and 6 year-old son. Everyone knew he was depressed but unfortunately no one knew he was suicidal. Brook’s parents are really struggling with the loss so he’s been spending more time with them and with his nephew. Hasn’t dated at all. Just focusing on self care and his family. He did get a permanent position with the hospital again so that’s one good thing that has happened. Although his youngest will be graduating in 2022 so he is seriously considering moving as both his daughters will be attending school out of town (in my town actually). Anyway...it was really, really good to see him so I told him if he ever wanted to chat, to feel free to message me and left it at that.
The next day I got a message from him at lunch asking me if he was remembering correctly that we had talked the day before. Uh...yeah. He then goes on to tell me that he had gone for a motorcycle ride after he got home and had gotten into an accident. Somehow he got back on his bike and drove home but his buddy insisted he go to emergency because he was “out of it”. He was there until 4 am and they diagnosed him with a concussion and some cracked ribs. He was concerned because he was experiencing some memory loss from the day before and everything was really foggy.
We ended up chatting a bit more and he has contacted me a few more times since with random jokes and musings. Our favourite teacher passed away this week so we have been reminiscing about him as well. This teacher was the BEST. To know him was to love him. He was just the kind of person who emanated love and positive regard for his students. I remember thinking he was pretty old when he taught me and then when I did the math, I realized he was exactly the age I am now...lol. That was a sobering revelation.
Anyway...before you guys send me all kind of warnings, please don’t worry. I am NOT getting all caught up in this the way I did a year ago. I learned my lesson last time. I am focusing on my move and on building my home. If he and I are going to have anything more than an online texting friendship, he’s going to have to be the one to make the effort to get together. I am done trying to force anything with anyone. These days, I am actually way more comfortable with the idea of being single, to be honest. I’m always going to have company since I’m moving in with my sister and BIL so I know I won’t be alone. If someone new comes into my life, that would be great but I’m not looking for it right now. No online dating. Just gonna go with the flow and have faith that what is meant to be will be.
Also heard from TDH yesterday. He texted “hi” and “this [censored]”. I didn’t know what to say so I just said “hi” back and “sorry”. I really, really hate hurting him. He is a good guy but I know 100% that I made the right decision. It was never going to work out. My only regret is that I didn’t break up with him earlier. My intuition had been screaming at me for some time so I agonized about it for way too long - worrying that I was somehow being too picky or not seeing the situation clearly. But there were just way too many fundamental differences between us...the drinking and the denial about the drinking was only the final nail in the coffin. I hate that he is hurting though. Everything in me wants to reach out to comfort him but I know that would be more about making myself feel better. Ultimately it would only be running the risk of giving him false hope and prolonging the pain. I keep telling myself that he got over the implosion of a 17 year marriage so he will get through this.
So...that’s the latest in DV Land. It’s a beautiful afternoon. Gonna do some cleaning and take my dog for a walk...maybe make my son come with me...lol. (((HUGS))) to all!!!
