I'm struggling with this...as I have been dwelling on these thoughts for a while now and I'm not really sure what to think anymore. I've been cautioned about rewriting my past with H, but I can't help but wonder if the person I thought he was, was a mirage? Maybe his flaws became more intense or obvious due to the crisis? Or maybe they were there and I ignored them? I don't know...but I do know that this person he is now is not who I want to be with.
One conscious choice that I made - and it took me a while to get there - is to accept my own memories of the past as my own reality. In that reality I had a loving wife who was not perfect but was a good partner. She did a great job supporting me and did the bulk of raising our children of whom I am very proud. If I try to stir up the past then yes, things may float to the surface like a turd in the punchbowl, but I just leave it alone.
I think that has helped me a lot. Yes, learning from the past is very important but there comes a point where you need to just let it be and move forward. It does take time and patience and there will always be WTF or other moments when the punchbowl seems disturbed.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
